i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
