He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
