My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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