I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
