According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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