I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
