I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
