I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
