I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
