We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
