i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
