her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it's like iHOP with fire
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
