hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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