We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize