I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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