I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dick very happy bro
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
