I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
