please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
