I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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