i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize