I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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