So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
