No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
