Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
