i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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