dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
