I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
