Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
