You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He better not be in your backpack
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
