I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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