y did u give ur computer a hand job?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
