I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
