I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
