Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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