On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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