i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we're so committed to being not committed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
