Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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