So drunk its hurt
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
