Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
