My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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