And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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