Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
