So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
