No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
