dude i'm inner monologue high
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
