I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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