One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
