I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
