She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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