just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
