Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
