life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
