I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
