you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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