i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
one might say we're banned from that church
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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