In the future we'll all be gay
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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