How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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