Have you finally orgasmed yet?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
