you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
