why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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