Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
