It's Friday. Sex?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
