Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
