I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
