Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar

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(443): View more from Maryland

okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.

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(516): View more from New York

This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.

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