This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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