How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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