"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
