After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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