we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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