in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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